Welcome to our monthly data protection horoscope! 🔮

This post offers you wily data protection wit. Simply navigate to your star sign and read our analysis.

Legally speaking, we disclaim liability for you not having a sense of humour.

Aries: 21 Mar - 19 Apr

As Mars aligns with Jupiter, brace yourself, Aries! This week, you’ll find more leaks in your data system than in a colander. Remember, patching them up is like playing Whack-a-Mole at the arcade—may the odds be ever in your favour!

Taurus: 20 Apr - 20 May

Oh, Taurus, with Venus in retrograde, your charm won’t encrypt your emails. Time to update those passwords—something more creative than “Password1234,” perhaps? Try “ILoveCompliance2023” for a change.

Gemini: 21 May - 21 Jun

Gemini, as Mercury stirs up confusion, double-check those GDPR guidelines. Yes, again. You might find something new, like an obscure clause about not storing data on Post-it notes. Who knew?

Cancer: 22 Jun - 22 Jul

With the moon in your security sector, it’s high time to back up your backups. And maybe back up those backups too. You can never be too careful—or too paranoid.

Leo: 23 Jul - 22 Aug

Leo, the sun is shining on your firewall this week. But beware, that pesky hacker from last month might return. Prepare your cyber swords and shields; it will be a digital battle royale.

Virgo: 23 Aug - 22 Sep

Meticulous Virgo, as you align your compliance documents, remember that not everyone appreciates a surprise audit. Maybe bring cookies to the next team meeting to soften the blow?

Libra: 23 Sep – 23 Oct

Balance is key, Libra. Yes, data privacy is important, but don’t forget to emerge from your server room occasionally. Human interaction is not yet a violation of any data protection laws.

Scorpio: 24 Oct – 21 Nov

With Pluto in a standoff with your sign, trust no one. Not even the office printer. It’s been looking at you strangely, and you never know what it’s up to after hours.

Sagittarius: 22 Nov – 21 Dec

As an adventurous Sagittarius, you might be tempted to try that risky new encryption method. Remember, not all those who wander are lost, but some definitely end up with corrupted files.

Capricorn: 22 Dec – 19 Jan

Capricorn, your dedication is admirable, but working overtime won’t stop data breaches. Try delegating, or better yet, automating some processes. Your eye twitch will thank you.

Aquarius: 20 Jan – 18 Feb

Innovative Aquarius, this week you might finally crack that AI-based security protocol. But beware of becoming too reliant on AI—next thing you know, it’s Skynet and Judgment Day.

Pisces: 19 Feb – 20 Mar

Dreamy Pisces, you’ll be tempted to swim in the deep ocean of dark web mysteries. Just remember to keep your virtual life jacket on. You never know when you’ll need to swim back to reality.