Welcome to our monthly POPIA Horoscope! 🔮
This post offers you POPIA tips couched in wily wit. Simply navigate to your star sign and read our analysis. You can also use your organisation’s incorporation date to see under which sign it falls.
Legally speaking, we disclaim liability for you not having a sense of humour.
Aries: 21 Mar - 19 Apr
You’re a people-person, but sometimes you feel like others aren’t your people 
. It’s just so tough to get through to them, and show them that you’re a kind soul in need of a little love 
, friendship 
, and insight into their voting habits 
. Maybe you could increase your political capital 
by showing them that you’re here to party 
, but safely.
Taurus: 20 Apr - 20 May
Your date last week went well. 
They’re interested, and you know you need to fan that spark – but how? 
Should you call? 
Text? 
Leave a heart/ghost/paperclip emoji on their Instagram post from this morning? Scratch that last one – it looks like you need to check for privacy issues in your CRM again. 
It’ll be fine. You’re hot stuff.
Gemini: 21 May - 21 Jun
You’ve just about come to terms with the embarrassment of it all, and now this happens. Will they not just leave it alone already? 
It was a mistake. You were medicated. 
You thought the pond would be deeper. But life’s lessons are swift, and you’re just a health department, standing in front of an enforcement committee, asking them to leave you alone.
Cancer: 22 Jun - 22 Jul
It’s hard playing the role of a police officer.
Some people want results 
, others want mercy. Can’t we all just get along? Thankfully, some kind soul has given you draft rules for the enforcement committee 
, in case it all gets too much for you. Now you can ignore all that horrible business in the koi pond 
. Just close your eyes 
, and imagine that you’re somewhere else with a lot less fish 
.
Leo: 23 Jul - 22 Aug
Can you believe it? They all said you were mad. MAD! 
Ha! HAHA! 
No, you’re not mad. You’re not MAD. You’re just differently reasonable. 
Is it MAD to hide your digital footprint using VPNs? No! Is it MAD to hide from video surveillance by gluing tiny mirrors to your face? 
Maybe! Now if you could only get your hands on some of those privacy enhancing technologies in Europe, you’d show them all…
Libra: 23 Sep – 23 Oct
You did it 
. After months in dusty old libraries 
– after weeks interrogating shady dealers in Moroccan taverns 
– you finally did it. You and your team have found the map 
to a treasure of unspeakable value 
: the legendary Golden Papaya. But you’re not the only one on the trail 
of the fruit’s mythical defensive properties. It’s time 
to brush up on your knowledge 
of African data transfers 
, because you’re bound to be involved in a high-speed car chase 
somewhere in the desert 
.
Scorpio: 24 Oct – 21 Nov
You’re just so giving. 
You want to share your life with the world. Your breakfast? 
Look at that. Your weekend getaway? 
Check it out. Your blood-pressure results? Sneak a peek. Your family sitting you down and saying that this is an intervention? 
Have a gander. Your clinically prescribed, surgically implanted, and continuously monitored use of privacy management software? Take a squizz.
Sagittarius: 22 Nov – 21 Dec
Selling yourself is hard, but you’ve got so much going for you. It doesn’t matter that you’re a little rough around the edges. Toot that horn! 
Learn to spin your failures into opportunities for growth – the HR people love that. 
Just maybe don’t mention that you were involved in privacy by design at Meta. 
You made the coffee, mostly. 
Right? Thought so. 
Capricorn: 22 Dec – 19 Jan
You’re not doing so well. You always get this way around this time of the season 
, and what’s worse, you’ve recently grazed your anatomy. You need a break – maybe by listening to some Shona rhymes 
, or dreaming of a group of impossibly attractive doctors giving you a data protection health check. 
It’s not the end. Not yet. It can’t be. You just need a bit more McSteam.
Aquarius: 20 Jan – 18 Feb
Look, we get it. It was a mistake. You didn’t mean anything by it. But you hit “Reply All” 
, and by now the whole of Finance has documentary evidence of your John Travolta impersonation. 
If only you knew how to prevent a compromising business email, then maybe you could keep your Saturday nights fever-free. 
Pisces: 19 Feb – 20 Mar
You’ve got an itch to build something amazing.
For materials, you’ve settled on bricks – the hay and stick salesman left in a huff. 
For location, you’ve decided on a rock – the sandy land was far too expensive. All that’s left is figuring out the right number of supports. Three are too few, five are too many; you’re starting to think you should focus your efforts on four pillars. Yeah, that should keep you standing.
This month’s POPIA Horoscope was brought to you by Kevin Hoole and Enzoh Mellem.
